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angsts

self battles. real ones.

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looking back on words and pictures from other lives and other seasons. it's a powerful thing to remember the mundane, and to revel in those things that still remain powerful.

on dilemmas

on dilemmas, and how they might wind and crank the mind:

donut option

even when you make a goal to put only luminous and whole things into your body, you sometimes need to eat things that are only silly, only gratifying and only impractical. and in such situations it seems  sensible to seek out the very best of these things- to honor the break in the routine.

and so, perusing here i found these! and saturday morning frivolity commenced.

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crisps

i was recently give something most exciting, sitting at a high bar counter and slugging am oversized ice cube around and around in my glass of whiskey. it was a board and some cheese. these are exciting on their own of course, but what was really exciting were the snapping and fiercely crunchy rye crisps that came with them. formidable in texture (seedy, dense, molasses stricken and deeply brown) and at the same time ethereally light and fragile. because they were so thin. rye and sesame and millet winking around in a bowl at a bar? (true it was this most excellent bar) but something both startlingly delicious and truly nourishing rarely happen to a lady with whiskey when she's out of the house.  i am quite certain they were these little things, which i can say with certainty i have never tasted before nor ever thought about purchasing because of their outrageous price tag (9.99??) but as it turned out, perhaps i had been missing out. big time.

it seems though that a good many folks have yearned to fill up their pockets with these but have been equally hindered. and since the internet trumps kinds of poorness, recipes for these things abound!
and so i undertook to recreate them and i think it was a good thing. all in all.

seed crisps

(adapted from all the above sources but mostly from here)

1 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup apf/bread flour
2 teaspoons of baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
2 cups buttermilk (I amended one cup of whole milk with one cup of yogurt)
2 tablespoons brown sugar or rapadura
2 1/2 teaspoons honey
2 1/2 teaspoons molasses
1/2 cup apricots, currants and sour cherries, soaked 20 minutes and then chopped
1 cup mixed seeds, nuts or grains (i used chia, hemp, steel cut oats, buckwheat groats, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds and millet)

preheat the oven to 350

sift the dry ingredients together with the seeds. shake the buttermilk or milk and yogurt with the molasses, honey and sugar. stir until just combined and then stir in the fruit.

divide the batter into papered and/or greased loaf pans. (a mini loaf pan will render more manageable sized crackers. a full-sized loaf pan may need to be cut into smaller pieces once baked.)

bake for 30 - 40 minutes until a toothpick inserted into the loaves comes out clean.

let the loaves cool (speed this up by freezing) and slice very thinly.

return the sliced loaves to the oven for a second time at 325 for 10 minutes. flip these and finish them for another 15 minutes, or until deeply brown.

let cool completely before storing to ensure these stay crisp. if you can resist eating them long enough to have any extras.

lines and strokes

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brushstrokes

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been thinking

been thinking about marriage lately...