food vs. loneliness

i have commandeered this little house. or, alternately, the little has has commandeered me.  regardless of whose hands clutched who the truth is that The Love of My Life is off doing his purest life's work- holing up in unchartable wildernesses as he does every year about this time leaving me to wrangle the small and the furry into the wilds of our own and to decide how best to spend my solitary time. for the most part i do this by spending time in the kitchen making stuff, or working with my paints or conjuring science experiments

being alone is a good thing, and something i look forward to very much. it is important to disengage from our time knitted with someone or something(s) to reconnect with your own routine, rhythm and innate desires. for me those things are usually food or food-related, making or making-related and body or body-related.

the difficulty is that most of the joy i derive out of concocting in the kitchen has to do with bringing spoonfuls over to those preoccupied with something different to let them taste, or to put down something beautiful and plain in front of them that makes their face light up.

and so, when i embarked on making chocolate yogurt cake (which seems like a funny irony, those two words being together) i enjoyed most all parts...

 

but when i got to the last part, the part i reserve for others (mostly because i don't enjoy it myself), i realized that being alone can be well, lonely, sometimes...

and so i tried something that was more purely my-kind-of-snack (bread related, you know). and this cheered me a little bit...who would have thought, pizza on the grill? incredible!