comforts

feeling a little flat today, admittedly. i think it is because of the anti climax that always follows the hectic surge of energy to make deadlines happen for Big Deal Things. i've kept myself busy, but such busy-ness lacking Consequential Outcome has really taken a toll on me. it's a good thing, though, for these kind of low things to lull one into a stupor because then one can take stock of proper coping. my mum, professional grade therapist calls this self-soothing, which i love! we are the most fit individuals to nourish and soothe our own savage breasts so why are we so bad at it sometimes?

because there is nothing serious at stake besides a blue kind of dullness, i made it a point to be vigilant in understanding what i craved and why.

firstly, being surrounded by growing things. cacti especially.

this because their kind of quiet ferocity is something i wish i could kindle for myself. if they can forge on, barbed to the teeth in spines but filled, nevertheless, with a luminous soft green pulp what's to stop anyone else from doing the same?

also, always on the list serious comfort food. not in the traditional sense- rib sticking, butter laden crazy richness, or sweet and indulgent things fished discretely from the refrigerator. but comfort food in the literal sense- food that physically nourishes and so is a balm to the senses. my backward comfort food is the kind that does not necessarily taste indulgent. but i'm certain that it makes my insides ring, scrubs out the backed up places and makes all my cells sigh contentedly. (sick, right?)

so there was

and

a green smoothie made with: one bunch spinach, one banana, handful of chia and hemp seeds, a small cup of whole milk plain yogurt and a clutch of frozen raspberries. and a fillet of wild alaskan sockeye with green cabbage, red kale and fried onions over buckwheat groats. (oh heyyyy buckwheat, you lookin' so good.)

stoic and stodgy and absolutely perfect.

also reading the lovely The Living Annie Dillard's novel (eep!) about battling shreds of fog, log jams and berry tangles during the frontier days on Puget Sound. lovely and bracing. 

tack on a few extra eyefuls of light today, the days are only stretching further and further out.